If you're tired, drop everything and rest.
This newsletter was written on a trip back to Epe #selfordainednomads
This newsletter slept in an (incredibly comfortable) car last night because it rained and she gets cold very easily (is it Anemia? Is it overly dramatic? Who knows…)
We listened to a Spotify playlist made last year. It was pretty good.
This newsletter will take just 3 minutes of your time.
WHOOP!
The police found the killer in Port Harcourt. Is the whole event a shit show?
YOU BET!
The Nigerian Government is over your cash addiction
So they’re getting rid of it… sort of
According to the news and an email I got from my Nigerian bank earlier this week, the Nigerian Government will charge you if you hold on to (their definition of) too much money. The government has ordered commercial banks to charge 3% processing fees for withdrawals and 2% for deposits of amounts above N500,000 for individual accounts (for corporate accounts, it is 5% and 3% respectively for deposits above N3 million).
The government claims that this new development is to probe the dream of a cashless Nigeria; a hill we have been dying on for seven years.
This directive is already active in Lagos, Ogun, Kano, Abia, Anambra, Rivers, and Abuja; and is to apply to other states by March 2020.
Right.
Is it? In a perhaps counterintuitive twist, the same CBN approved a call for customers to pay more money for POS transactions.
What’s the news?
In what they described as a quest to crack down on bank levy defaulters, the CBN has approved a proposal to change the stamp duty on POS transactions from 0.75% on a merchant’s aggregated daily transactions, to 0.50% on each N1000 transaction. Translation: previously, each merchant paid N90 per day on any POS transaction of over 1,200. But now, “If you're a merchant and you do 100 transactions in a day each above N1,000, you'll be charged N5,000 by the close of business. Then the bank will now charge you 0.5% of all your totalled transaction volume as "service charge".”
Let’s not forget that businesses in Nigeria are also ‘contributing’ 0.005% of their net profit to “train police personnel and buy security machinery and equipment”. It almost feels like a crackdown on small businesses.
We’ve got proof that Nigerians are crazy.
See receipts
We have a ‘school for wives’. A place where women can learn to be the Good Wives they ought to be. God forbid you be anything but… eh?
They have a whole video where the instructor, Omolara Sobiyi declares that you can’t get it if you don’t attend. Obviously, because being a 'good' wife is a skill only a few can attain (I imagine there’s a certificate). There’s a woman in the video who says she was thinking about her needs and how her husband wasn’t satisfying them (imagine her audacity) but thank god this school was there to nip that in the bud.
Sobiyi says they teach you to “understand your husband, understand the place of sex in marriage”. Which is major because your interviewer/potential husband is very likely to ask these questions on your first meeting, so you HAVE to bring a notepad to these classes… it’s a bloodbath out here, ladies.
If you want to know more about the school where you are taught to be a Good Wife, please watch the video here (I’ll probably see you there… I took a BuzzFeed quiz that confirmed that I’m getting married this December)
Okay, but rapists still run churches
Yes. And the audience loves it. The church finally released an official statement about their general overseer, Fatoyinbo’s continuous and hefty rape allegations. Their conclusion, according to the statement, which was signed by a certain Ademola Adetuberu, an executive senior assistant to the senior pastor, opined that Fatoyinbo's ordeal is “fuelled by envy and sheer jealousy”.
Perhaps he means people are jealous that the pastor gets to rape women, threaten them and still head a church with his Good Wife by his side.
Who is your [economic] leader?
Not Vice President Osibanjo, according to recent development.
Yikes
AllAfrica reports that the President has replaced the Osinbajo-led Economic Management Team with an Economic Advisory Council (EAC) under the chairmanship of Prof. Doyin Salami.
Announcing the constitution of the EAC in a statement yesterday, the Special Adviser to the President on Media and Publicity, Femi Adesina, said the council will be reporting directly to the President.
While the EMT was predominantly run by appointees from within the government, the EAC is mainly people from outside. Which might be to enhance efficiency and get some more outside the box thinking.
The new team will be advising the president on economic policy matters, including fiscal analysis, economic growth and a range of internal and global economic issues working with the relevant cabinet members and heads of monetary and fiscal agencies. Basically everything the EMT was in charge of managing.
Perhaps they can figure out a way to get Nigeria out of the ceaseless development issues. One of the results of which is the exponential increase in the price of goods due to the food crisis.
100 days of government… brief progress report
Governors are nowhere to be found
Three-day blackouts are still a thing
Control Crisis has declared Nigeria as one of the world’s kidnappings hotspots
Recommended reads
Over the weekend, millions of people — a lot of young students took to the streets to demand action against climate change and the pending climate apocalypse ahead of Saturday’s first-ever UN Youth Climate Summit. Here, a few teenagers share what they will miss when climate change destroys the planet
Talking to colleagues about problems at work can be risky. Rather than friends and family, many people turn to therapy. For The Atlantic, Olga Khazan explores why that is.
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