Image: In the middle of the lockdown, Oluwatosin drove out of Lagos to the edge of Ekiti. This is a photo from the Osun Grove.
The police are investigating the rape allegations against D’banj
About a month after her friend made a twitter thread detailing her experience, D’banj’s alleged* victim published a tweet asking D’banj for an apology. In response, he issued a statement where he labelled her a liar and demanded that she paid him a sum of 100 million Naira for the defamation of his character. Of course, that wasn’t enough. With help from his team and Nigeria’s law enforcement, he went on to order her arrest, kidnap and seizure of her phone which was used to promote his new song on her social media.
Thanks to “twitter feminists” (who get a lot of shit but are carrying the whole justice system of this country on their back) tweeting and relentlessly spamming the Nigerian police, who finally decided to do something decent.
We’re also happy to announce that all 36 Nigerian states have declared a state of emergency on rape.
Polio: The mess of an epidemic.
Fact: Of Nigeria’s estimated 27 million disable a population, over 40% are polio survivors.
Polio has been a massive problem in Nigeria’s toe since as far back as the 80s, inflecting mostly children in riverine areas. Nigeria was doing well with managing it, but, in 2016, there were so many cases that the government declared it an emergency.
But Last week, as a result of collective efforts from Medical practitioners, Non-profit organisations, and rich people’s money, Nigeria was officially declared Polio-free. Now, we focus on Lassa fever, COVID-19 and the unique risks of living in a highly inflammable country.
Boreholes as a display of opulence
In Nigeria, clean water is a luxury
Clean drinking water, water for showering etc, is a sign of affluence. So if you drink clean water today, you are rich by the (ever-deteriorating) Nigerian standard. A few steps further into opulence is a personal borehole: if you have a borehole in your backyard, you, my friend, have the right to ask the police if they know who they’re talking to.
The Lagos state government has decided to put a stop to this show of wealth by imposing a fine on any homeowner or landlord who drills a borehole without explicit permission from the Lagos state government
They take and they take
Can’t argue with that! But, in this case, maybe it's for our benefit because boreholes are an environmental hazard.
The problem with drilling a hole in the ground with reckless abandon is that it weakens the soil around it, making it susceptible to erosion, earthquakes and all that not-so-fun stuff. So, more boreholes means more floods and more damage to property every time it rains.
So let’s hold the drilling and stick with the elaborate parties to display our wealth, yeah?
Speaking of money, Hushpuppi...
This man initiated a $35,000 ventilator scam on the United Arab Emirate. Ventilators that were to be used to care for COVID-19 patients and others in critical conditions. Hushpuppi, despite his name, has never been low-key about his deep pockets. In fact, he puts in more effort to ensure that his money is noticed and his lifestyle documented. But, hardly ever does he mention the source of his income. It's interesting that EFCC is only declaring him wanted now that the UAE has him in their custody.
Meanwhile, Obinwanne Okeke also known as (Invictus Obi), the US-based Nigerian scammer who was on Forbes 30 under 30 last year, is facing a 20-year jail term in the US after pleading guilty to an $11 million business email compromise scam.
Remember, kids, scammers get hammers. - Adetomiwa Isiaka, 2020.
Corona is still outside
Nigeria now has over 20,000 confirmed cases. Please, stay safe.
Naira Marley vs Nigeria
Despite the ban of large gatherings and interstate movement to flatten the curve and manage the relentless COVID-19 pandemic, Naira Marley and his Marlian entourage gathered at Jabi Lake Mall in Abuja for a concert.
Naira Marley lives in Lagos, so, how did he get there? Executive Jet Services Limited.
According to the private charter company’s management, the person they were meant to take, Justice Okoji, had, without their knowledge, used alternative transportation to get to Abuja. But then they learned that a certain Babatunde Fashola was waiting for a flight. So they, without seeing this person, loaded them onto their jet and carried them to Abuja. When they got there, they discovered that it was Naira on his way to a concert, and now Executive Jet Services has been banned from flying.
Marlians, Corona is still outside, please!
Meanwhile, churches are still not open. Stay at home!
Remember to credit Josh2Funny his #dontleaveme puns. And don't repost his work without crediting him. It’s weird.
D’banj is potentially a rapist, but undoubtedly a bully. Sign this petition to clip the wings with which he uses to bully.
Recommended reads
Everything in Nigeria is going to kill you by Ayo Sogunro
Africa’s looted artifacts are being put up for sale during the global economic crisis by Oluwatosin
An image of Africa by Chinua Achebe.